Well, today I guess I learned that the new number for my house isn't on the do not call list yet. Why do I say that? Because this is almost exactly what happened...
I set everything up, plugged in the phone, stepped back, and then... answered my first call from a telemarketer.
Got a couple more calls throughout the day, and every time I answered one, I had a nagging feeling that I was forgetting something. Then it hit me. My list of telemarketer responses! I haven't had a use for it lately, so now let's have some fun with it.
I used this, until I got a call from a Police charity one day. Awkward...
Pretend you don't speak English. Use sign language instead.
Get really excited about the product being sold, but ask completely irrelevant questions every chance you get.
Gravely inform the operator that you passed away, sometime last week. Ask if they will be attending your funeral, 1 PM sharp, yesterday. Hint strongly that they should bring a gift. Make sure they know that checks made out to cash are acceptable. If they sound like they may not be attending, lay on the guilt trip. I see, when you NEED to sell me something...
Good point. Click this for the rest of the post BTW
Have an ongoing conversation with yourself in a second tone of voice, commenting on whatever is said. Make it clear that your second voice is disapproving. and is suspicious of any 'telemarketing scams'. If asked about the voice, deny hearing anything, then imply the operator is crazy for 'hearing voices'.
Something occurred to me today while I was driving home. Well, driving is an understatement for what I was doing. Where I live, there are so many bad drivers that you don't so much drive as you just try to avoid getting hit. Usually while sandwiched between a car driven by someone who has all the time in the world, and someone who must be both giving birth AND on fire. One guess at which person is in the car in front of you, and which one is in the car behind.
Anyways, I managed to have time to think about political garbage. But I can't for long, I just end up ranting. Partially because the government is shutting down. For such an incredibly stupid reason. One party won't compromise, and the other one thinks it's special enough that it doesn't have to follow the rules. You know, the ones we used for the first 200 or so years of this country's existence?
Majority parties have been doing what they want like this for centuries now. In fact, the majority party has acted like a bunch of dicks while in power since the country was founded. Too bad they don't remember what it was like to be in the minority, huh? In fact, there were actual gunfights between politicians on a few occasions because of stuff like this. Hmmm there's a way to fix this. A shootout.
But the minority party having a hissy fit and shutting everything down is a recent idea. They are doing this because they want to skip getting democratically ELECTED, and just change the law. Who cares how they do it? And who cares that going around the law like this could end up screwing just about anyone in the future? Wouldn't it be ironic if the Democrats used a stunt like this to ban guns? Not a GOOD thing, just ironic.
Another thing: the 'we don't like what the government is going to (make us) do, so we're taking our ball and going home' approach has been tried before. Historians refer to it as the 'Civil War'. In the end, it didn't go very well for the country, especially the people who decided to try it. Perhaps there is a lesson to be found somewhere in that.
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Ok, you first though. I don't want to cut in when the person ahead of me is line is clearly mental
I would like to share a few predictions that occurred to me today. I had this flash of insight while reading the news, and felt there was a strong possibility of it becoming true. Or that it might amuse people. Either of those results words for this blog, though. And if it does happen, I'll have proof that I called it. Here goes...
Anthony Weiner will soon change his name to Dick Burns, so that it represents him more accurately.
This guy is in for a rough patch
The new name will appeal to him largely because it also comes with a bonus: slightly less opportunity for sexual innuendo. His critics, a rather large group of people otherwise known as "The people who know who he is", will not be impressed.
After his upcoming yet inevitable election loss, I believe that he will next try to open a school. This fine institution of higher learning will be dedicated solely to educating our nation's youth on the finer points of twerking. The official school motto will be "Who better to teach young women how to dance like drunken, sex-crazed prostitutes at bar close?"
This will lead to the creation of a mob that runs him out of the country. Those seeking further justice will be denied, due to his untimely death, caused by the combination of every STD known to man.
The presence of said diseases, along with a few new ones, will require the incineration of his body, for the sake of both public health and national security.
If your wife tells you that you don't take her to expensive places any more, take her to the gas station.
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, but the third one was found while leading a Senate committee hearing about escaped monkeys. We left him there, they needed the help more than we needed a monkey.
Yeah, what's with that?
Got one of those political emails today, this one came with the subject line "Help me send a message". I replied to that one, asking "Why? Your email seems to be working just fine."
But thanks for splashing me with disgusting water while you wait
Don't you just love it when you're trying to find a spot to park your car, and you whip right past an open space? After all, the lot was so full, you just told yourself, "Why waste time looking for an empty spot so close?" Of course, for me, this is always followed up by a glance in the rear-view mirror at the guy behind me, happily taking the spot I was moving too fast to stop for.
Checking my phone to see what time it is, and then checking again because the first time I wasn't paying attention.
Ben Affleck as Batman? Worst cast since... well, did he ever play Superman? Don't answer that. Please. There is the possibility of a 'yes, in a play.'. That would do it. I'd be drivin fully sane, and you would have nothing to read here.
Seriously. Just imagine him saying "I'm Batman", and then breaking out in giggles. He couldn't pull off Daredevil, how he's gonna do Batman?
This guy is real. Despite all my hopes and dreams for humanity. You may or may not want to click this...
Here are a few of the quality news stories I have seen while flipping through over the last few days. On a related note, I am boycotting the news for a week...
So I flip over to the other side of politics, and see a story where the President managed to do simple multiplication, and get an odd number. Probably to make some political point. Dumb, but in his defense, it DID air sometime after this story. If he saw it first like I did, I don't blame him for thinking it wouldn't be caught. Still dumb enough to be rant worthy though.
Take quick look at how people drive today. Make it fast though. You may be killed by someone who's busy texting "LOL". Because they're both driving, and stuck in conversation, with nothing else to say.
Obviously... wait, are you still alive? Good. As I was saying, there must be something else behind the decline in our collective ability to drive. Something beyond the obvious explanations like texting, drinking, fiddling with the radio, and joining the 55 mph club. There is too much bad driving out there to place all of the blame on those few things. There must be a hidden culprit out there.
Then it hit me, what about the road tests done by the DMV! You know, the one you have to pass, in order to get a license? Aha, I can blame the government! Think about it. We blindly trust the DMV to test people's ability to drive, when they have trouble simply managing the lines at their facilities. Then we wonder why so few drivers know what to do at a 4-way stop sign, when there is only one other car. Behind them.
Is this everyone on the road now?
There must be a way to make these tests more difficult. Obviously, it isn't hard enough now. Either it's gotten easier, I was a lot dumber when I was tested, or there's some way for idiots to pass without learning anything even remotely related to driving. For added proof, go for a drive on your favorite major highway, around 5 p.m.
Note: If you live in a state that has more silos than buildings with 3+ floors, this may involve traveling some distance.
Just Some Things That Annoy Me
(My list of possible 'last straws')
Let the game of phone tag... COMMENCE
I hate it when...
I'm loading a webpage, and I see a link with EXACTLY what I need. Then, I proceed to click the useless link right above it, because of the page jumping down at the last second for some reason.
When people confuse my motives for staring. I was staring at you in SHOCK, not AWE. Hey, train wrecks may attract crowds, but not for the same reason that supermodels do...
Computers, smartphones, and technology have gotten so far out of hand, I could spend all day making fun of them. I know how to fix the problem... use the internet to complain about it!
Or instead, I'll just write a funny blog post, Tweeting random jokes with my smartphone all morning made me lazy...
It's amazing how irritating people can be in 140 characters or less.
I saw something annoying on the internet today. Which makes this pretty much like any other day that my computer is on, I suppose. But I digress.
What I saw was yet another forum with more Admin posts than user posts in the past week. I see this a lot for some reason. Google hates me, is my guess. Anyway, as usual, he was complaining ABOUT users using his crappy design wrong. Rant time...
I will, don't test me, admins
If captcha is supposed to prevent spam, why do they both still annoy me daily?
If you want to keep anyone under 20 from getting in to your site, just use this...
What am I? Age verification check, for the 2010's
For the solution, have them type the name of the object. You can even give a hint like: F---p- D---.
Or, you could show a picture of a cassette tape, tangled in it's own ribbon. Ask them what eraser equipped tool is the solution.
Looking at profile pages for people online, I have one wish- that people would at least try a little bit harder at inventing lies about themselves. If so many people love long walks on the beach- like the countless website profile pages, found all over the net would seem to claim, why aren't our nation's beaches full of people? You know, just wandering around aimlessly? Of course, I'm sure none of them would really need to take walks- since most of them are also claiming to be fitness gurus.
Lol I saw this after I had already posted to the blog, but I had to add it